I started the day going through the motions of Stay-At-Home-Mom-Land.
There was no more creamer. Or milk. So I put Cool Whip in my coffee. Yes, I said Cool Whip. Don't judge me.
I wore yoga pants.
It was grand.
And then just like any other morning I opened up my lap top. I noticed a YouTube video that had been shared a few times by other friends and I hadn't yet opened it. I decided to open it this morning with my Cool Whip coffee in hand.
I heard the pretty singing and saw the faces of parents who have children with special needs. They held up words. They were powerful words. Words about hope. Words that served as advice on diagnosis day.
I guess what struck me was that this wasn't a sad video. This wasn't a woe-is-me video. This was a here we are and this is what you should know going forward video.
But then I saw a friend of mine. She was holding up words.
"He is still going to be your perfect baby."
I sobbed. Like, ugly cry sobbed. And when I tried to retell it to Manny later on, I almost couldn't get through the sentence.
I have so many thoughts and feelings about that sentence but I'll elaborate later. For now I can sum it up in three words.
He totally is.
I gave Christian a bath today. Every time I give him a bath, if we're not a hurry, I take his right hand and make him splash the water. Then I ask him to splash. He never does. I always chalk it up to him being so relaxed in one of his favorite places - a warm bath.
But today I splashed his right hand while I had him sitting up in the bath. Then, like always, I asked him to splash. I said, "Now, you do it." And do you know his little right hand started to buzz. He was trying to raise it out of the bath water and open his hand. He did it several times after I asked him if he wanted to splash. I had waited for him to do this for years now. YEARS. At first I thought maybe I willed him to do it. But he was ready to try and splash on his own.
So then Lola got in the water with him and I told him we should splash her. So I had both my feet in the tub while sitting on the edge, holding Christian up in the water. I grabbed both his arms and helped him splash his sister. He had the biggest smile! But then Lola started splashing back. Normally I would tell her to stop because her splashes drench the bathroom but she really wasn't hurting him so I let her continue. We kept on splashing back. He just smiled and smiled, I was laughing, and Lola was giggling.
I looked down at my now soaked yoga pants and said, "You guys got water on me!"
To that Lola responded while giggling, "Sorry we got you wet, Mom!"
Do you know that I wanted to cry when she said that? Sorry, WE got you wet, Mom! I don't really know how to articulate my feelings about it. It was all so normal and perfect. They, as brother and sister, were playing and got Mom's yoga pants all wet. It was both so mundane and so extraordinary at the same time.
I highly suggest you watch this video. And if you do it with a cup of Cool Whip coffee I promise not to judge you.
Friday Night Lights…at the Fair
1 day ago