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Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The Stomping Sister

We have been enjoying summer and trying to stay out of the heat! Christian especially likes to swim at Gramma and Grampa's pool because it's so warm. He loves the warmth and cold is kryptonite. 

Lola found some slime in the dollar spot at Target. It was all the rage in our house last week.

Of course, Lola is "helping."

Lola is always helping with Christian and it's always funny to watch. I'm glad she's so close to Christian and feels so strongly about him. She wants to help feed him, she gets excited when he smiles, she's one of his biggest fans. 

She knows he's special. I could always tell she could sense it even as a baby. But now she understands. I've made a joke about Christian running and messing up her toys and she quickly corrected me with, "Christian can't walk!" as if I were just being ridiculous. So I told her maybe he did it in his dreams and she totally bought it. 

I have been noticing that she has been a little more daring and less careful with him. The other day I was getting Christian ready for a bath and had him laying down on a towel on the floor. As I was gathering his clothes I could hear Lola singing and talking and stomping. I peaked around the corner and found Lola stomping around Christian on the floor. She had a foot raised and was slowly lowering it down to stomp in between his legs. Like, stomp on him!

I seriously freaked. I yelled, "What are you doing?! Don't do that!" 

I couldn't believe she was going to stomp on her brother. She was so scared she ran to her bed. I made her apologize and everything but I've been thinking about it for the last few days. Especially yesterday when she hit Christian with one of her dolls on purpose. 

I have two thoughts about this.

1. She knows better! She knows she has to be more careful. And we should be more careful with Christian. He's kind of breakable. We don't kick or stomp or hit Christian. Ever!


2. Isn't this how brothers and sisters act, though? I don't want her to have a complex. I mean, this is our "normal." And I don't want her life and relationship with him to be "careful." I want it to be natural for her. Should I be allowing her to rough play with him? Is this instinctual to be mean to your brother, regardless of disability? Shouldn't I be happy she feels he is normal enough to take it? She treats him like he is normal. Even Christian can't escape Lola's wrath.

These are the questions I ask myself because I don't know how to apply a normal brother-sister relationship to them. I guess I don't really need to apply it because they're redefining it. 

But no stomping on your brother.

And, for the record, Christian doesn't make a peep when she's hitting him with her doll or stomping around him. So she hasn't hurt him yet. And that's saying something because he is the biggest cry baby!

Oh, and I finally sat down to fill out the paperwork for Christian's kindergarten class. I've been putting this off because of the amount of paperwork I have to fill out. I'm not one to get sad and weepy about filling out the blank lines awaiting answers about my child's development. I actually think it's kind of funny. 

Wanna know if my kid has any social or developmental concerns? You got some time? Wanna go get a drink? This is going to be long.

The developmental milestone checklists are a big, fat goose egg. But the medical portions? I could go on and on. Paragraphs of diagnoses.

Read that carefully. 

But at least it's getting done.

We're also closing in on Christian's other birthday. The day he came back to us. I've got some thoughts so stick around.


Rachel said...

I know how you feel Shauna. Declan has had special needs since Colin was born, and it is interesting to see how Colin stopped really trying to engage him because of the lack of reciprocal interaction. But on the odd times where they do wrestle around (once in a blue moon, I will catch Declan trying to stick his toe in Colin's ear, or something like that), it makes me so happy. Last night, their two cousins came over and as they were getting louder, Declan was getting upset. Was it the typical sensitivity to noise from a child who is autistic? I don't think so. He was upset that he wasn't included. When they started hitting him with the bean bag chair, he got happy. I always have to remember to back away from what we and other people think about him and really observe. Have I told you that your powers of keen observation would make you a perfect OT?

Jessica L. said...

I love this post! Ball of fun ... That is awesome.

As for the rough play thing - well, I speak only as someone who has 2 neurotypical kids, but Eva is Lola's age and I think it's normal ... That said, my feeling is there is a difference between normal rough play (ok if both kids can handle it) and dangerous/mean/etc. things and I think sometimes things don't necessarily hurt but they COULD and so those I try not to encourage them but I do know what you mean about where's the line? Eva hits Jacob with her dolls too (seriously, must be a 3-year-old thing) or sits on him or whatever and he laughs but I still find myself going "well, he's laughing but do I really want to encourage that?!" It's damn hard to know with kids.

Anyway, no real advice there, just some thoughts. The kids are absolutely adorable. I love that Lola loves him so much and knows how special he is. :)

Jeannine C. said...

So special and sweet to see how the two are finding their way to a great brother/sister relationship. They will find their own "normal" that will last their entire lives. Unless bloodshed is involved, it's beautiful.

Alia said...

My son (4) and his two cousins (one is 6 and one is also 4, and they are siblings) are all neurotypical but they rough house with each other. The rule I'd enforce is 'if you would stop the action from two neurotypical children (such as stomping at/on each other)then while it might be a 'normal' I'd stop it. If you wouldn't intervene quite so fast on some of the other things, then don't. Yes, he is maybe more breakable but Lola probably has an idea about that and I suspect she'd be heartbroken if she did something that really hurt him.

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