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Tuesday, October 11, 2011


When Christian's accident happened I remember the waiting room filled with people. We were visited and prayed for by friends and family - some we see every day, some we hadn't seen in years, some we had honestly never met before.

I've been in a very reflective mode lately and as I look around and consider who is in our lives today it is a very different view. Not bad, just different.

On one hand, we've had the privilege of meeting some really courageous and invaluable friends who walk this journey with us and who've shown us the way. There is a phrase a lot of parents use who've gone through something like what we did - I wish I didn't know you, but I'm glad I do - or something like that because of the circumstances that brought us together, we wouldn't know each other otherwise. I've always thought it kind of had a negative undertone. One, because I've met people under normal circumstances that I wish I didn't know; and, two, some of the relationships I have with other parents are anything but negative. So, rather, I'm really glad they're in our lives, whether we met through tragic circumstances or at a play group.

On the other hand, people got on with their lives. We got on with ours. And as time went by, wonderful people infiltrated into our world, but there were those who drifted out.

There are various reasons for the drifters, and I use the term lovingly and with no malice. I am sad about some of those drifters - actually, more disappointed. Maybe we didn't act the way we were expected to, and maybe they didn't act how we expected them to. Or maybe it was all just too much. Or maybe it's because my tolerance for bullshit is shortened and my perspective on what's important in life doesn't allow for a lot of the aforementioned bullshit.

Whatever the reasons I guess it is what it is. I'm not good with immediate change in my routine. But eventually it clicks, I adjust, and move on accordingly. I've heard that's called acceptance.

That's really what it's about anyway, right? Acceptance? I have a longing to recreate the old relationships we used to have, the ebb and flow, but it can't be forced. In fact, I'm finally looking at it from an outsiders perspective and that ship has sailed. If I don't stop to look around, I might miss what is right now.

What is right now? What I know is true right now (Oprah, anyone?) is that the people in our life right now can rally. These people are hard core. What I mean by that is that our support system is top notch. A lot of them were in the waiting room two years ago, and God bless 'em, they're still here with us now. Some of them, and they know who they are, I knew I could count on. Some of them I'm blown away that I can count on them. Not because they were unreliable before, but because they've gone above and beyond to be there when it counts.

And the friends who are still trucking along...I thank you. You teach me how to be a good friend, something I finally have time to work on. It's something that's important to me. Friends like these continue to treat you like nothing ever happened, they don't treat you with kid gloves, but if you want to talk about what happened, that's okay, too. And they forgive you if you can't make it for the fifth time, and they still invite you anyway for a sixth time. Invaluable.

So the past few weekends I've been surrounded by old and new friends and I play over and over again how lucky I am to be graced with these friendships. I'm learning to stop mourning the old relationships and start loving on the new. I'm not the only one in the whole wide world who struggles. And today my thoughts and prayers are with a friend who takes the first step in a new journey today. She's about to kick breast cancer's ass. There might be struggle and it might not be pretty, but she's a tough chick and she's stronger than she knows. That's hard core.

Some perspective for your Tuesday morning.

1 comment:

Eliisa said...

Once again, Shauna, so well put. Love you so much. (Oh, and I love C's new braces! Stylin'!)

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