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Sunday, May 2, 2010


Every week we have our share of appointments and outings, as I've explained at length before. Our schedule has changed a lot recently. I've made the choice to shrink our schedule in order to have more down time. I was forced into this new downsized schedule for two reasons. One being that Lola is extremely attached to me and it's difficult to find anyone for her to stay with during appointments because she screams about 20 minutes after I've left and doesn't really let up until I come back. The second reason is that for the last month or so, Christian was just so unhappy. He cried and cried and was uncomfortable and cried some more. It was difficult, to say the least. So we've been keeping close to home as much as possible.

The thing about keeping close to home is that it starts to feel like a dungeon. And it starts to feel depressing. So last week we had some appointments that were one-timers - out of the ordinary. I was driving back home and it was a beautiful day so I stopped at a park by the house.

I had both the babies with me and this is a huge park with a swing set. I've been wanting to take Christian on the swings with me for a while now and I was just waiting for the weather to get better.

Almost out of spite (for whom or what, I don't know), I made a u-turn and headed into the parking lot of the park. I put Christian in his stroller and had Lola in her carrier in the crook of my arm. I was taking my kids to the park, dammit.

I pushed Christian and carried Lola all the way over to the swings. It was a busy day at the park - over 100 kids on some type of field trip. I spotted teachers, mommy helpers, and a bunch of kids running around. It was madness. But, again, out of some sort of defiance I kept pursuing the swings.

And although there were three school buses of kids there, the swings were empty! I tried to make my way over to the swings quickly for fear that the little crazies would steal our opportunity to swing. We only needed one! I put Lola down, grabbed Christian out of his stroller, picked Lola  in her carrier back up and headed over to the swing. Just then one of those kids made a run for our swing. Ahhh! Rats.

So I waited. Luckily kids are fickle so the swing was up for grabs within a minute. I put Lola off to the side so she could watch us and I sat down in the swing with Christian in my lap. And off we went.

Christian likes to swing. I mean I think he does because he relaxes into it. Swinging is actually really good for kids like Christian. So back and forth we went and Lola laughed at us and smiled every time she caught my eye.

"He can't walk?"

I heard a voice to the left of us swinging. She was asking about Christian. I just shook my head and said no. She didn't ask why. She just knew something was different.

Another little girl ran up to us and asked if she could have our swing. It was time to go. We were outnumbered.

We were there for all of 10 minutes and it felt bus hell. That's mellow dramatic. The whole experience just made me sad. Like there wasn't room for us there. Damn Italy.

I had another encounter with a lady who, seeing that something was different with Christian, put down her cell phone, knelt down near Christian and said hello to him with her one year old on her hip. She was very kind and very sweet and extremely sincere. She then asked what I was waiting for...

"What does he have?"

I explained. And with a sad and sorry face she said..."Just keep praying."

Really? That's all I have to do? Is there a number of prayers I have to say? Because I pray each and every single night, I swear I do. If there is a number of times or a number of nights I have to say a prayer, I'll do it. Diligently.

I assured her that I would, very politely. It's not that I thought her intentions were not in the right place. No, it was my head and my heart that weren't in the right place.

It was then that I learned that maybe I was a little bitter. Maybe a little more hurt than I realized. Maybe just a little too cynical.

That was last week. A new week is in front of us and I'm hopeful. We'll be seeing a new GI doctor about feeding stuff and Dr. Peters for Cranial Sacral. Maybe we'll try the park again...

...unless we see a school bus.

1 comment:

Brooke said...

First of all kudo's to you Shauna for going to the park period!! I think it shows what kind of mommy you are that dang it you WERE going to take your kids to the park period!! On a good day I'd shy away from a park with so many kids already there!! I commend you for continuing!! I think you handled everything so well! I imagine it can't be easy to have to listen to peoples advice etc without biting back sometimes. Lord knows I'm queen of sarcasm and a harness for my tongue I do not own!! You continue to amaze me every single time I read anew blog. Your new week has already come......I hope they continue to bring new beginnings and new hope! XOXO

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