Swimming will always be a part of our life in Arizona. It pretty much says on your state ID card - ARIZONA - must swim due to 100 degree temperatures. Wear sunscreen.
Swimming will always and forever be a part of our lives simply because of what happened. Christian almost drowned in a pool, in our pool. The grief and guilt I will feel about that incident will be with me forever.
But that's not what this post is about. Not really. I'm not ready to expose that black hole - gray cloud - dark shadow that follows (consumes) me at times on a public forum quite yet. Someday. I'm getting there.
This post is about swimming.
As I mentioned in the previous post, Christian went swimming on Easter Sunday.
It was awesome.
Now tell me that does not look like a relaxed little boy!
Because Christian responded so well to the water, I'm making plans to do this weekly. And, by the way, his trache stoma (hole) is completely closed and sealed, just in case you're wondering with that water so close to the area.
As I've told people about Christian's swimming on Sunday, I've gotten a few worried looks wondering how I was going to take it. I'm not sure everyone knows this, but a few weeks after the accident, Christian got pool therapy. He was no where near responsive at the time so he had no reaction with the exception of his body tightening until he was stiff as a board.
August 2009, Pool Therapy
So as far as I am doing...we've already crossed that bridge. Honestly, there was no bridge to cross if we're talking about metaphorical emotional bridges. And in retrospect, I can say that at the time I don't think I had an emotionally hard time with putting him in the pool again in light of what happened.
This is the thing...
I'm not nervous about Christian being in a pool or in the water again. Now, if it were the exact same pool where the accident occurred? Yes, that would be painful. But it's not the same pool and never will be.
If I were in a near fatal car wreck, I'm not sure I'd avoid cars for the rest of my life.
I'm okay with it. Especially because before the accident, Christian absolutely loved the water. From the first time he was in the pool (my Gramma's pool, actually, which is where he went swimming on Sunday) he never cried, he just laughed and laughed and splashed and laughed. From then on he was a swimming nut!
When we went to Florida last summer about a month before the accident, he played in the ocean for the first time. The water was salty and stung our eyes but he didn't care. He just played and played until he couldn't take it anymore. Then he finally reached up to me when he had enough.
He loved the water.
I feel like that is something he enjoyed so much, so why would I not give that back to him. He enjoyed Spongebob Squarepants and playing with his bouncy ball, but he doesn't know how to enjoy them anymore. Someday he will again, but not today.
If I can give this to him, and he can find a way to enjoy it again, which he seems to be doing in his own way, then we've made a connection between the old Christian and the new Christian. And any connection, no matter how small, choppy, inconsistent, or coincidental, is a joyful connection.